Within our culture it is customary to believe that criticism and guilt motivate positive behavior. Most of our parents have used critical comments to control our behavior or suppress our feelings. Within ourselves, we use judgmental thoughts as a way to cope with fear, shame, and uncertainty. Over time, those external voices become internalized as the voice of the inner critic.
I believe that the inner critic actually has good intentions, just as our parents did, however like our parents, the inner critic has not received the proper training in order to positively support you in stepping into the life of your dreams.
Unfortunately, negative reinforcement results in shame and anxiety which produces avoidance rather than motivation. Shame is a fascinating emotion, that we all get to experience throughout our lives. When we feel shame, it is natural for us to become paralyzed. We feel that we are inherently flawed and unworthy of love. We isolate from others and deprive ourselves from the connection that we need to pass through a shame storm.
When we entertain the negative messages of the self critic, they trigger responses such as avoidance, procrastination, and isolation. .which we keep ourselves stuck and unable to reach the goals we have set for ourselves.
When does shame show up for you? When was the last time you heard the voice of your inner critic?
The inner critic often shows up when we you set big goals for yourself in the direction of your dreams. The inner critic doesn’t want you to experience the pain and suffering of failure.. so it tries to support you by sabotaging your commitments. Be on the look out for this mechanism in your life.
What is the pep-talk and re-assurance that could be helpful for you next time you make a mistake? Take the time to write it out, and see if you can catch yourself next time the inner critic shows up to try to ‘help’. Remind that voice that what it really wants is to be your inner coach, and teach it how to coach you in a way that motivates and inspires you to keep going in the direction of your dreams and goals.
Little by little, a new neuropathway will be formed within your brain and in time the choice to respond with love over judgement will come naturally and without effort.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!